The Unexpected Realities of Marriage: Part 3 – “Great Sexpectations”

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We continue our discussion this week on expectations vs reality.  We are going to branch off into the area of sexual expectations that we will call “Great Sexpectations”.  I know all too well that this is a taboo subject in our culture (Christian America).  The varying opinions concerning the sexual topic are as numerous as the stars in the sky.  Though we do our best to not be offensive, we will not apologize for speaking the truth.  We will be speaking very openly to ensure that we are clear in our message.  Let’s get started.

How do we develop our sexual expectations before we get married?  

There is no doubt that everyone has some kind of expectation, as they enter marriage, about what the sex life should be like.  There seems to be some natural phenomenon built into human nature to attract to a partner sexually that begins with puberty.  Certain body parts begin developing in a new way and our hormones start driving themselves.  Obviously, the experience differs between males and females and also varies within the same gender role. But, something is certainly changing in our bodies in this period of our life. Continue reading

The Unexpected Realities in Marriage : Part 2

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In marriage, there is often a gap between expectations and reality. This week, in part 2 of “The Unexpected Realities in Marriage”, we talk about some things that you can do to overcome these breakdowns and improve the quality of your relationship. We would love to hear from you on this topic. Leave us a comment below or send us a private message.  Let’s get started:

Wife: Will you wash the dishes?
Husband: I mowed the lawn and washed the cars today…
Wife: Honey, I can’t cook, do the laundry, take care of the kids, do all the shopping, and everything else around here!  I need some help!
Husband: I do help out around here.  I work hard every day to provide for our family.
Wife: I didn’t say that you don’t “provide for our family”.  I said I need help around the home. I work too you know.
Husband: I fixed the broken sink the other day.  I do help around here.  You act like I don’t do anything.
Wife: Oh I know you do stuff around here.  You watch a lot of TV, leave your laundry on the floor, leave your dishes on the table, and…

And there we go, the fight just launched into orbit.  Does this conversation sound familiar to you?  If you have been married more than a week, then you have most likely experienced this type of conversation or something similar.   Continue reading

The Unexpected Realities in Marriage : Part 1

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Most of the struggles and disappointments that have taken place in our marriage have dealt with the difference between expectations and reality.  We have had many conversations, in our relationship building process, dealing with the gap between these two points.

We enter into a relationship and both parties have a set of predefined expectations about how the relationship should be.  Sometimes, you may not even be aware of your subconscious expectations but they are there.  In our dating relationship, we spent no time discussing any of our expectations about marriage, family, money, kids, sex, where we were going to live, or anything else. We were only focused on dating and getting away from our parents.  However, we both brought a lot of expectations into our marriage and immediately began to have issues, when the honeymoon phase was over.  We did not understand why our reality was so different from what our expectations about the marriage should be. Continue reading

I said I wouldn’t do this but…: Politics, Relationships, & Hope

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I really am reluctant to write this blog post as it is not the focus of our blog.  However, the world we live in is going crazy right now over the election results.  What is bothering me, more than anything, is the fact that family and friends are being torn apart over this.  This is why I have chosen to no longer remain silent and share some insights that will hopefully help people find the resolve to heal. Continue reading

Our Story: Becoming One With Our Money

marriage-money-mistakesDisagreements on how to manage money are one of the main reasons couples argue.  We have counseled with many different  couples over the years, and this area becomes a wedge dividing them.

We are no different than most other couples.  We have had a lot of issues in our marriage dealing with managing money, budgeting, over-spending, and savings.  To be perfectly honest, it was not until our 15th year of marriage that Heather and I fully settled our differences with money. Continue reading

Learning to spread our own wings and fly together

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We have entered the empty nest stage in our life.  Our oldest daughter got married in 2015 and our youngest daughter moved out early in 2016.  One of the first things that we noticed was that our house makes noises. These were previously masked by the sounds of our children.  The sounds of silence can be eerie, at times, and it is perhaps the hardest aspect of empty nesting to get used to.  But be encouraged, we are learning to spread our own wings and fly together.

When Mindy, our oldest, left home for good, we were not impacted to the same extent as when Kassondra, our youngest, moved out.  Mindy worked us into the concept over time.  She was in college and only came home 3 or 4 days per week, for a long time, before she left.  We still had Kassondra at home and she spent most of her time commuting to work and school; but she still came home on a regular basis.  There was no silence. Continue reading

Our Story: Not really high school sweethearts… – Part 1

Heather and I have vastly different stories to tell from this time period of our lives.  We were in two completely different mental and emotional states.  We have decided to tell this segment of our lives, and perhaps others, separately in order to give a clear perspective of the stage from which we launched our lives together.

(Tim’s Perspective) Continue reading