Most of the struggles and disappointments that have taken place in our marriage have dealt with the difference between expectations and reality. We have had many conversations, in our relationship building process, dealing with the gap between these two points.
We enter into a relationship and both parties have a set of predefined expectations about how the relationship should be. Sometimes, you may not even be aware of your subconscious expectations but they are there. In our dating relationship, we spent no time discussing any of our expectations about marriage, family, money, kids, sex, where we were going to live, or anything else. We were only focused on dating and getting away from our parents. However, we both brought a lot of expectations into our marriage and immediately began to have issues, when the honeymoon phase was over. We did not understand why our reality was so different from what our expectations about the marriage should be.
It was shocking on how many points our expectations clashed with reality, through the early years. There are so many couples who never overcome this adjustment period. Andy Stanley calls this the “iMarriage”. Our desires are focused on “I” rather than “we”. We recommend watching his segment from the series. It helped us to gather our focus on some of these kinds of issues and begin making adjustments for a new reality.
Next week, in Part 2, we will break down some of the specific areas of struggle that we encountered and some things that we did to overcome them.