The Unexpected Realities in Marriage: Part 6 – Raising Children

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The week we’re going to discuss the raising of children.  We consider them to be part of the unexpected realities, in marriage. Most parents are not prepared for the changes that children add to their life.  In our experience, the girls shocked and surprised us more than they ever created any real heartache.  They came up with twists and turns that we are not sure any parent could prepare for in advance.  As a couple, we had to learn how to unify our front in dealing with them. Continue reading

The Unexpected Realities in Marriage: Part 5 – The Big “D”

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This week we will take on the subject of divorce.  It is a big nasty topic that affects 1.2 million marriages annually in the United States alone.  No one is immune to its sting and a large percentage of people have been through a divorce or have family members who have been divorced.  Divorce is like a war. Though both parties involved may survive, nobody wins and everyone loses.

Our Story

In 1991, we committed our lives to Christ.  I (Tim) began working in the ministry, within a year, as I had felt the calling from God.  In 1994, I became an ordained minister.  I served the church through music ministry and youth ministry. Continue reading

The Unexpected Realities in Marriage: Part 4 – Intimacy in Marriage

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This week we are going to expand on Great Sexpectations, and talk about Intimacy in Marriage. We want to keep our conversation focused on progressing forward in your relationships and not getting bogged down in guilt and shame.  Guilt and shame are not of God but are used by the enemy to keep you from reaching your full Godly potential in your marriage.  The Holy Spirit convicts us of sin in order to lead us closer to God; not to bury us under the weight of our sin.

Everything God created, He did for a specific purpose and called it good.

God created sex!  It is not dirty or taboo.  It is not some forbidden act that God allows us to do, while He turns His back.  It is also not intended for the exclusive use of reproduction. Reproduction can be a result of intimacy in marriage but it is not the sole purpose of it.  God looked at all that He created and said that it was good. He created man and woman with the physical ability and desire to be sexual and still called it good.  Sex is good! God said so and He cannot lie. Continue reading

The Unexpected Realities of Marriage: Part 3 – “Great Sexpectations”

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We continue our discussion this week on expectations vs reality.  We are going to branch off into the area of sexual expectations that we will call “Great Sexpectations”.  I know all too well that this is a taboo subject in our culture (Christian America).  The varying opinions concerning the sexual topic are as numerous as the stars in the sky.  Though we do our best to not be offensive, we will not apologize for speaking the truth.  We will be speaking very openly to ensure that we are clear in our message.  Let’s get started.

How do we develop our sexual expectations before we get married?  

There is no doubt that everyone has some kind of expectation, as they enter marriage, about what the sex life should be like.  There seems to be some natural phenomenon built into human nature to attract to a partner sexually that begins with puberty.  Certain body parts begin developing in a new way and our hormones start driving themselves.  Obviously, the experience differs between males and females and also varies within the same gender role. But, something is certainly changing in our bodies in this period of our life. Continue reading

The Unexpected Realities in Marriage : Part 2

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In marriage, there is often a gap between expectations and reality. This week, in part 2 of “The Unexpected Realities in Marriage”, we talk about some things that you can do to overcome these breakdowns and improve the quality of your relationship. We would love to hear from you on this topic. Leave us a comment below or send us a private message.  Let’s get started:

Wife: Will you wash the dishes?
Husband: I mowed the lawn and washed the cars today…
Wife: Honey, I can’t cook, do the laundry, take care of the kids, do all the shopping, and everything else around here!  I need some help!
Husband: I do help out around here.  I work hard every day to provide for our family.
Wife: I didn’t say that you don’t “provide for our family”.  I said I need help around the home. I work too you know.
Husband: I fixed the broken sink the other day.  I do help around here.  You act like I don’t do anything.
Wife: Oh I know you do stuff around here.  You watch a lot of TV, leave your laundry on the floor, leave your dishes on the table, and…

And there we go, the fight just launched into orbit.  Does this conversation sound familiar to you?  If you have been married more than a week, then you have most likely experienced this type of conversation or something similar.   Continue reading

The Unexpected Realities in Marriage : Part 1

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Most of the struggles and disappointments that have taken place in our marriage have dealt with the difference between expectations and reality.  We have had many conversations, in our relationship building process, dealing with the gap between these two points.

We enter into a relationship and both parties have a set of predefined expectations about how the relationship should be.  Sometimes, you may not even be aware of your subconscious expectations but they are there.  In our dating relationship, we spent no time discussing any of our expectations about marriage, family, money, kids, sex, where we were going to live, or anything else. We were only focused on dating and getting away from our parents.  However, we both brought a lot of expectations into our marriage and immediately began to have issues, when the honeymoon phase was over.  We did not understand why our reality was so different from what our expectations about the marriage should be. Continue reading

I said I wouldn’t do this but…: Politics, Relationships, & Hope

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I really am reluctant to write this blog post as it is not the focus of our blog.  However, the world we live in is going crazy right now over the election results.  What is bothering me, more than anything, is the fact that family and friends are being torn apart over this.  This is why I have chosen to no longer remain silent and share some insights that will hopefully help people find the resolve to heal. Continue reading